Wednesday, February 05, 2014
Skin without fur
The manager of the safari camp is highly agitated about an actress called Lucy Watson, and thinks I should share his excitement.
“She’s taking off her clothes to protest against the fur trade,” he explained. “Aren’t you grateful that a gorgeous woman is exposing her body to protect furry animals like yourself? I’m grateful and I’m not even furry!”
“I am hairy, manager, not furry,” I replied. There’s a profound difference between the two. My fine body filaments are not suitable for making coats. The fuzz beneath your armpits would do a better job.”
“That’s just splitting hairs!” guffawed the manager, delighted with his own wit. He sauntered off with a big grin on his face.
Now what of Miss Watson? Her justification for appearing on posters in a state of undress is to inform the general public that she’d rather be naked than wear fur. It’s a preference that does her credit, but I doubt it will change many minds. Off the cuff, I can think of two groups of humans who would pooh-pooh her notion:
(i) those who live in cold climates;
(ii) those who have saggy bottoms.
The former will find her argument fatuous, while the latter will view it as smug and conceited. And let’s not forget men like the manager of the safari camp, who will ogle the poster without any real concern for the issue. I fear that displaying her naked body is more likely to harden opinions than win converts.
The plain fact is that you can’t credibly protest against skinning animals without expressing support for alternative fabrics. Making a fetish of nudity won’t do. If Miss Watson wants to nail her colours to the anti-fur mast, she should wear acrylic instead of running around naked. The Velcro vixens of the ‘Dykes on Bikes’ movement are doing more for the cause than she is.
The grey area between fur and man-made fabrics is wool. Is it wrong to shear sheep against their will? Although they don’t appear to enjoy it, they must feel better afterwards. If I were encased in a thick coat of wool, I would happily allow a beer-guzzling Australian lout to shave it off. Sheep are simply too stupid to know what’s good for them.
Fleecing sheep when they get too shaggy may be ethical, but it goes without saying that they shouldn’t be molested in the interim period. I was sorry to see a news report of yet another hoary old pervert who’s been arrested for sheep abuse. The judge had to scold the jury for giggling at the flustered witnesses who testified against him. You don’t appreciate how disturbing such incidents are until you’ve seen them with your own eyes.
The existence of men who find sheep sexually attractive is an enduring puzzle. Some say that the hindquarters of a ewe are seductive when she trots across a field, but I think her bleating is a likelier explanation. One has to pity a creature that can fake orgasms without intending to.
Labels: bestiality, fur, hair, Lucy Watson, nudity, sheep
