Wednesday, August 03, 2016

No sex please, I'm British

The woman pictured above is a 37-year-old British TV personality called Jodie Marsh. She is also a part-time “glamour model” and bodybuilder. Don’t feel like an ignoramus if you’ve never heard of her, because I’d never heard of her myself until last week. I should emphasize that she didn’t catch my eye because of the picture. You can’t pique a gorilla’s curiosity by showing him a hoochie in a provocative posture. No, she got my attention because it was recently reported that she’d taken a vow of celibacy.

“Being celibate is the best thing I've ever done,” Ms Marsh proudly declared.

I have to admit being impressed by humans who renounce the carnal pleasures. I tend to believe they’re on a spiritual mission to become an enlightened bramacharya, like Gandhi or Doris Day. Ms Marsh, it has to be said, doesn’t look like a holy woman, but I never judge a book by its cover. Maybe her tartish appearance is an illusion that obscures a serene and contemplative soul, gliding gently on a path to Nirvana.

I’m sorry to say that my favourable opinion of her didn’t last very long. In a subsequent interview she elaborated on her reasons for giving up sex.

"I love being celibate,” she said. “You don't have to shave your legs every day!”

As a hairy ape, I find the idea that you have to shave your legs before having sex quite offensive. And why do women have to shave their legs and not men? If I were a feminist, I’d be thumping my chest in annoyance. The next statement she made gave the game away:

"The thought of sex actually makes me feel sick.”

The whole point of taking a vow of abstinence is to give up something you enjoy doing. If you’re not making a sacrifice, it doesn’t purify your soul. No one ever got enlightened by not doing something they didn’t want to do in the first place. The woman is clearly an airhead who needs to spend some quality time with a vibrator.

On reflection, I don’t believe she finds sex disgusting at all. Why would she expend so much effort in beautifying her body if she didn’t want men to lust after her? Her Wikipedia biography hints at a promiscuous lifestyle, in spite of her protestations to the contrary. I suspect this whole celibacy charade is a ruse to attract men who are thrilled by the idea of bedding an infamous coquette who says she doesn’t want it anymore. She will no doubt take her pick of the adventurers and poodlefakers who cross her path, giving the lucky gallant the ride of his life. And he’ll probably laugh triumphantly when he climaxes, like the despicable bounder that he is.

It all sounds very sordid to me, but maybe she is actually thrilled by the prospect of being ravished and despoiled by a lecherous character. Minor celebrities often acquire peculiar tastes after getting a taste for the high life. I would advise her not to make a video. 

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jodie's tits look plastic stuffed. and the tats are a turnoff. and she's lying.

I have always wondered why women have to shave/use makeup/wear certain garments to "get a man", whilst guys can be a slob and still find a woman to fuck. I didn't do any of those, and my spouse and I have been married 25 years.

I read an article this week that young people are having less sex. Maybe she's trying to appeal to young people.

Or maybe she just knows that talking about sex (or lack thereof) is a surefire way of getting one's name into the press.

I hope she is okay and doesn't feel too sick.
Gorilla, you may be shocked to know, but I have never been good at renouncing the carnal pleasures. We only live once at all. And Gorilla, I know plenty of guys who shave their legs! Not me!!! I like my hairy legs.

@anna marie- your right...although if a guy looks like a slob to me....I ain't talking to him. He better at least have his hair combed and have on a clean shirt!!!!!!
I'll admit that as I've gotten older, I've more often than not decided to take things into my own hands when it comes to sex. It's a lot less complicated.
As someone who doesn't shave anything why would I care if someone else shaves anything? It is not likely to be worth the trouble to talk Ms. March into having an enjoyable experience, so like Mr. Beard the only sex I can depend on is when taking matters into my own hands.
if i had a dollar for every time i vowed to quit drinking or work harder, i could probably buy a purebred bull terrier.
The question is, for how long has she vowed celibacy? How hard can that be? Length and hardness is what it's about, GB.
I agree, it sounds like a ruse to get more male attention her way.
Anne Marie: That a good question, Anne Marie. Was it your natural tats that kept it going for 25 years? :)

Nasreen: I read that too. They say it's because young people who don't want sex no longer feel pressured to have it. It's a healthy development, but I don't think Ms Marsh is a leader of the movement.

Mistress Maddie: It doesn't surprise me, Mistress. 'Hedonism' should be your middle name. I'm glad you retain your natural leg fur.

Fearsome Beard: And safer too, Mr Beard. Do you use the same hand or alternate?

Jono: You have the laconic philosophy of an American pastoralist. Some men like to waste their energy on meaningless challenges.

Mr Rosewater: Abstinence isn't for everyone. Maybe you need to find a different path involving intoxicated trances.

Robyn: Haha, Robyn, I'd certainly put your wisdom above hers! I hope you never find it too long or hard. ;)

Mary: I'm glad we are of one mind on the issue, Mary. :)
It's a good thing gorillas don't try to conform to human beauty standards, the next thing they would demand to compete on America's Next Top Model and that could not turn out well.
I have no tats or piercings; I don't like needles. except knitting needles.

spouse must like my all-natural jahoobies. and my brains.
Celibacy? Yeah, can't see myself doing that.

Her and Morrissey should get together and not-fuck the shit out of each other.

Sorry for my language, but that was the funniest way to make that joke.
Jimmy: Does America really have a top model, Jimmy? I would pity any woman with that title. I'd tell her to kick off her high heels and learn to climb a tree.

Anne Marie: Brain and jahoobies are a great combination! Is it possible to stimulate both at the same time?

Al: I'm glad you still have a choice.

Dr Ken: No need to apologise, Dr Ken! We're all broad-minded primates over here! Morrissey looks too unhealthy to even think about not-fucking anyone.
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