Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Easter reading
I’m sorry to say I received no Easter gift from the manager of the safari camp. He’s getting very stingy in his old age. However, his kind and generous wife lent me an issue of Marie Claire to read, for which I thanked her profusely. If you think it’s strange that a gorilla should receive a woman’s magazine with gratitude, you have a very limited view of what we find interesting. Marie Claire (and publications like it) is a window on the mind of the human female, which is one of the unfathomable mysteries of anthropological science. No learned ape would refrain from immersing himself in such literature.
As I thumbed through the magazine in my hammock, I came across an interview with a young lady called Janelle Monae (pictured above). Although I’d never heard of her, I assumed she must be someone important, otherwise why would Marie Claire be interviewing her? Ms Monae seems to be a pop musician with an interest in social and political issues. One of her statements immediately caught my eye:
“People have to start respecting the vagina,” she declared.
I can’t see why anyone (apart from the usual villains) would fail to comply with this entirely reasonable demand. I have always respected the vagina, and would not hesitate to admonish any fool who took its name in vain. The coochie is the hallowed portal from which we mammals emerge into the realm of breathable air. Her next statement was far less impressive:
“Until every man is fighting for our rights, we should consider stopping having sex.”
This makes no sense. If men fought for the rights of women, there’d be no one to fight against. It would be like a boxing match where both fighters were on the same team and beat up the referee. Women, of course, should fight for their own rights, with a few grumpy men resisting them to make the contest interesting.
As for the sex strike threat, that would be like cutting off your pigtails to spite your wig. The only people who’d benefit would be the sex toy manufacturers. I don’t for one minute believe that such a strike could ever be solid. Hordes of strikebreaking hoochies would sneak around having sex with men on the quiet. And what about all the gay men? They would not be harmed by the strike at all. They would go on shagging each other while making catty remarks about all the sex-starved women. The defeated and dejected strikers would return to work with their tails between their legs.
I don’t want to be too hard on Ms Monae for making these foolish proposals – she obviously hadn’t thought too hard before formulating them. I would advise her to hire an aide to carefully vet her policy ideas and throw out the stupid ones. In the meantime, she should continue having sexual relations with men who tickle her fancy. No one ever made their mark on the world by being sexually frustrated.
Labels: Easter, feminism, feminists, respecting the vagina, Sex strike
