Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Sexual misconduct
Disturbing news arrives from France about a naughty old man who tricked women into sleeping with him. How did he pull off this dastardly trick? By sending them a photo of a 37-year-old male model that he said was of himself. The women then agreed to a “sex in the dark” encounter, which is supposedly one of the thrilling events that occurred in 50 Shades of Grey. I say “supposedly” because I have no idea what went on in that silly film. Whatever happened in the dark shall remain in the dark for me.
His subterfuge was reported to the police by a couple of women who found out what he looked like after he had ravished them.
“He didn't correspond at all to the photo,” said Sylvie. “I felt total disgust.”
“I ended up seeing his silhouette in the dark,” said Leila. He was old, pot-bellied with a big nose.”
It’s fascinating that she complained about his big nose, because some women find this feature attractive in a man. I suppose it must have been round and bulbous rather than long and pointy. Hairy nostrils are another potential issue.
The French police have charged the 68-year-old man with a crime called “rape by surprise”. It is indeed surprising that such an offence exists. Of no surprise at all were the man’s protestations of innocence:
"For me, when she entered the bedroom naked, she was consenting,” he insisted. “At that moment, she couldn't care less what I looked like.”
He seems to be saying that the flesh can’t crawl at what the eye can’t see. But why did he use the photo of the male model if looks had nothing to do with it? According to my friend Ernesto Bongodrum, graduate of the Congo Law School, the man is guilty of fraud rather than rape. He told a huge whopper to get his fingers inside the honey pot. As for the women, they are guilty of being stupid hoochies.
More worthy of sympathy than Monsieur Le Big Nose’s victims are the female lifeguards in China who were groped by men pretending to be drowning. This is a case of human skulduggery at its worst – not merely crying wolf, but crying wolf and acting octopus. My ancestor Bo’sun Bananas would have flogged the guilty men with an electric eel for such a grievous breach of maritime etiquette.
The Chinese authorities hope to discourage future outrages by fitting a camera on each girl’s swimsuit. I don’t blame them for opting for a technological solution. Bum-pinchers and boob-feeler-uppers are too cunning to get caught unless you record their insidious acts on film.
“The cameras will help to root out uncivilised behaviour, or at least help to decrease the number of incidents,” said a spokesman for the local tourist board.
I’m sure they are right, but I would advise them to devise an appropriate punishment as a further deterrent. How about making the miscreants re-enact their crime with a female walrus in oestrus?
Labels: Blindfold sex, France, groping, rape by surprise, Walrus
