Wednesday, December 02, 2015
Aerial assualt
I draw your attention to a strange and disturbing news story from Kuwait, where an 8-year-old boy is standing trial for molesting his school teacher. The young fellow allegedly manufactured a paper aeroplane which he fired into the teacher’s “lower back region” – a polite Kuwaiti term for the bumcakes. The prosecutor has demanded a 5-year prison term for the boy, who was in shock when he appeared in court, telling the judge that he didn’t know why he was there.
Before denouncing the Kuwaitis as towel-headed apostles of the child catcher in Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang, we should recognise that many women are extremely sensitive about their posteriors. In all probability, the teacher had a sizeable rump which was a major hazard for low-flying projectiles. To have such a sensitive area of her anatomy assaulted in this way would have deflated her self-esteem and inflated her body image. I hope she has received counselling from a psychologist to reassure her that her bum is not as big as she thinks it is. No woman should go through life believing that her rear-end is a legitimate target for paper aeroplanes.
As for the boy, he may be wholly innocent of any malicious intent. The news report indicates that he dreamt of becoming an aviation engineer. We can therefore assume that the paper aeroplane was expertly constructed and found its own banking curve. Lacking navigation tools, evasive manoeuvres would have been impossible when a large fleshy object appeared in its flight path. If I were the judge, I would call witnesses who saw the boy’s reaction when the collision occurred. Only if he clapped his hands and hooted would there be any solid evidence against him.
This doesn’t mean I approve of putting an 8-year-old child on trial, of course. The Kuwaitis have their own peculiar customs which would not be appropriate in a gorilla habitat. When I was in the circus, I often looked after the children of performers who had gone out for a night on the town. For human infants, a gorilla is the most awesome Super Nanny who ever took up the profession of nannying. I didn’t need to say much to them, but when I did they followed my instructions to the letter.
One on occasion, I saw a naughty boy poke a girl in the eye and make her cry. After consoling the girl, I ordered the boy to report to a certain clown and offer to pick the clown’s nose with the finger he had used to assault the girl. Knowing the clown as I did, I was certain that he would accept the offer. The boy was sullen, but assented to the punishment and returned with a soiled finger, which I told him to wash with soap and water.
This incident caused the other children to marvel at the wisdom of my judgments.
“Why can’t our parents be like you, GB?” they asked.
“Because they are not gorillas,” I replied.
The children opened their mouths in wide-eyed wonder and marvelled yet more.
Labels: big bum, buttocks, flight path, nanny, nose-picking
Comments:
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Are you saying ‘bumcakes’ is too impolite a word to use in Kuwait? As if you needed another reason to stay away from that place. Your punishment for the boy makes me want to hurl. And I’m about to have my breakfast, so thanks for nothing.
Anne Marie: Do you have any sympathy for the big-assed teacher, Anne-Marie?
Mistress Maddie: It's certainly a tempting target, Mistress, but the aerodynamics of paper planes is not straightforward. It could have changed direction because of a fart.
Mary: It's all about humiliation and violated honour, Mary.
Exile: I think most kids have a stronger stomach than you. How about asking your daughters what they think of my punishment?
Pop Tart: I'm glad to have brought it to your attention, Ms Pop Tart.
Billy: Maybe so. You're lucky to live in a country where having a big butt is not a crime.
Mistress Maddie: It's certainly a tempting target, Mistress, but the aerodynamics of paper planes is not straightforward. It could have changed direction because of a fart.
Mary: It's all about humiliation and violated honour, Mary.
Exile: I think most kids have a stronger stomach than you. How about asking your daughters what they think of my punishment?
Pop Tart: I'm glad to have brought it to your attention, Ms Pop Tart.
Billy: Maybe so. You're lucky to live in a country where having a big butt is not a crime.
He will probably get out in 2 years for good behavior if he can avoid making anymore paper airplanes while incarcerated.
Good Grief! Seriously, I'm at a loss for words at this story.
I'm curious What does the teacher have to say about this?
I'm curious What does the teacher have to say about this?
This boy should be applauded for his modern day, aero-dynamics. If I was him I'd go up to Miss.Uptight, pull down her pants and give a great big smack on the arse. If you're going to get into trouble, it may as well be worth it.
I am appalled that a little boy has to be in the court for something very innocently done. Islamic laws are outdated. The boy should be set free and the woman with a big rump should apologize to the kid.
She must be a Kardassian-like princess to get away with traumatizing the poor young pilot-wanna. She's lucky those bums didn't get hit with more than paper. I hope they do and that she doesn't enjoy the experience.
I just can't see how a judge could keep a straight face.
Assault with a paper airplane?
In the bum?
I guess I'm a fine one to talk, though. We have the Kardashians over here.
Assault with a paper airplane?
In the bum?
I guess I'm a fine one to talk, though. We have the Kardashians over here.
Jimmy: I hope he doesn't lose his great gift for aeronautics, Jimmy. Do you think Boeing would give him a job after he is released?
Cocaine Princess: The teacher must have made the complaint, Miss Princess. Women with big bottoms see the world differently to you.
Jules: That would have been a feat to match The Dambusters raid on the Ruhr Dams, Jules.
Joseph Pulikotil: Yes indeed, Sir! Her rump is a dangerous hazard for paper aeroplanes for which she must accept responsibility.
Robyn: I have no doubt her butt will get goosed, Robyn. It's practically a karmic requirement,
Al: The judge must have felt like laughing, but he didn't want people to think he was laughing at a woman's behind. You couldn't laugh at a Kardashian butt and expect to live to tell the tale.
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Cocaine Princess: The teacher must have made the complaint, Miss Princess. Women with big bottoms see the world differently to you.
Jules: That would have been a feat to match The Dambusters raid on the Ruhr Dams, Jules.
Joseph Pulikotil: Yes indeed, Sir! Her rump is a dangerous hazard for paper aeroplanes for which she must accept responsibility.
Robyn: I have no doubt her butt will get goosed, Robyn. It's practically a karmic requirement,
Al: The judge must have felt like laughing, but he didn't want people to think he was laughing at a woman's behind. You couldn't laugh at a Kardashian butt and expect to live to tell the tale.
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