Wednesday, September 05, 2007
This certainly does not excuse the woman’s stunt in any way. Cock-arson is a serious crime no matter how cramped the living conditions. She claims that her ex-husband was a philanderer and patron of pornography. Maybe he was, but isn’t that why she divorced him? Once a marriage has been dissolved, the wife has sold her stock in Johnson Enterprises and has no say in the use of its drilling equipment. You cannot torch a penis like a medieval heretic simply because it’s having too much fun – that sort of discredited argument was used to convict women on trumped-up charges of witchcraft. I hope the Russian judges will ignore her lame excuses and throw her in the slammer. Let her confront her inner demons by frying hot-dogs in the prison kitchen.
I’m sure the feminist movement won’t make a cause célèbre of this hot-fingered harridan. They’d be better advised to refute impertinent suggestions that her behaviour was inspired by “penis envy”. I remember Smacker Ramrod, the circus vet, getting told off by a well-spoken lady for suggesting that lesbians might be jealous of a man’s manhood.
“Penis envy is a Freudian myth, Mr Ramrod!” she declared. “If anything, it is you men who envy our wombs and our ability to bear children. It wouldn’t surprise me if you also envied the clitoris and our capacity for multiple orgasms.”
“Clitoris envy!” exclaimed Smacker. “It’s hard enough to find the ruddy thing let alone be envious of it!”
I should add that this conversation took place in the 1980s, before most men knew where a lady’s love button was located. The woman offered to send him a manual with diagrams. I believe that modern girls pierce it with a ring to make it easier to find.
Yet in the final analysis these anatomical questions matter little. Even if a woman’s clitoris were the same size as a penis (as is the case for female hyenas), this would not bring about harmony between the sexes. Any gorilla can see that the root cause of the marital malaise is disappointed expectations. A wife wants her husband to be her knight in shining armour, utterly devoted to her happiness, utterly immune to temptation. The problem is not that no men are capable of this. Quite a few are, as a matter of fact, which leaves women stuck with a typical Joe Jockstrap (or worse) feeling terribly let down.
It would surely be much easier for women if all men truly were selfish pigs who neglected their spouses and exploited every opportunity to chase available skirt. At least they’d know what to expect and could evaluate their suitors purely as breeding stock. The worst feeling for a housewife is knowing that she‘s lumbered with a lemon which she can’t return to the store.
I swear I saw that very sentence in a real estate ad plastered on the side of a bus.
She cut off his penis and threw it into a field. Bizarrely, after having the appendage re-attached, John went on to have a lucrative (if icky) career in porn. Lorena did not.
I reckon if there's a market for fire based penis porn, it's Russia.
particularly if one is looking to make lemonade out of lemons..
Kitty: Indeed she did. She gave his knob a good dousing before setting it alight.
Jen: I agree, but this fellow was sleeping in the lounge!
Captain Smack: I do recall him mentioning a nephew who had imaginary friends called 'Elvis' and 'Jesus'.
Misssy: How could we forget the Bobbits? I still think they should have tried to reconcile their differences.
Ms Robinson: Yes, rich men can protect their penises by compensating enraged wives with hard cash.
Domestic Minx: 'Burning the Guy's Penis' could be a new Bonfire Night tradition. It would certainly require more skill than burning the whole body.
Bang! There you go luv, Don't forget, detol every two hours.
Cool blog by the way!
Whyever have you brought all that up again?
It was the most erotic thing I have ever seen.
Ms Robinson: I've sent you an e-mail, Ms R.
Trish: I wouldn't give her a long sentence, though, it was clearly a heat of moment thing. I wonder if she had PMT?
Dr Maroon: I've researched this for you. It's not actually the love button that's pierced but the fold of skin above it. The ring then hangs over it. It doesn't look painful to me, but then it wouldn't. I brought up Robinson Crusoe because my friend Jungle Jane recently insisted that he was an enormous wanker, even though he never wrote about it in his journal. I wish you had been there to take my side of the argument.
Nonny: Hello and welcome. I couldn't find a photo of a burnt dick so I used a sausage instead.
Might be a bad or good thing, depending on your sexual persuasion.
Hell even gay men might be enticed into a sexual relationship with a female.
I read the report and was a little disappointed that it only took a a splash of vodka and a newspaper torch. I was expecting a small, but well thought out penile pyre.
Other Dave: The penis would be duped by the 'rope-a-dope' and floored in Round 8 before it ever
had the chance to get burnt.
Ms Cake: Well spotted! For some reason, no one takes pictures of genuinely burnt ones.
Jahooni: He's a tough fellow if that's the only thing he said.
Raffi: I doubt it would stay in one piece.
Zuba: Female athletes who take steroids grow bigger ones, but I don't think they can do everything a penis can.
Minx: I suppose there are limits to what can be done to a sleeping man's dick. It might make a good "based on a true story" film.
We live a formidable time !
John Bobbitt, Which had become famous after his wife had cut to him..." the Zigouigoui , the popole Turtleneck ,the zizi,the kiki , the trilili , the kikette ...Bref "The male genital organ is what there is more Light to the world,a simple thought raises it"
Et bien moi je porte une armure !!
Ce que femme veut , dieu le veut , évidemment dieu ne pouvait pas prévoir ce que femme ne voulait pas ??
Je pense que pour le petit anneau qu'elle mettent , fait office de "Porte-Clés" !!
And indeed I I carry an armor!!
What woman wants, god wants him obviously god could not foresee what woman did not want??
I think that for the small ring which she put, acted of "Key ring"!!
Chickybabe: Female hyenas dominate the males but they don't actually mount them. They are still ladies.
Asym42: The chocolate finger is surely tastier than the knob.
Men: The clip did work, Lady Daphne! I assume that Che found it for you. The pleasure seemed to come from the snuffing out rather than the igniting.
Dip doc: "Even God cannot fathom a woman's mind" is a very French-sounding proverb.
Tickersoid: This one got too hot.
What this has to do with your post, god knows.
on penis envy, I don't have penis envy. But if I wanted a penis, I should have one. and let me tell you, it would be the biggest penis in the world.
I would also get a red sports car, develop a paunch and go slightly bald.
Man! I feel like a woman...
Everyone wants to fall in love and have a big wedding and blah blah blah, but then you are confined in a tight space for years and years and the sheer proximity drives most people crazy. So much better to be a free roaming gorilla...which is why, in my opinion, gorilla divorces are relatively few!
LaughyKate: Females sometime confuse arrogance with dominance.
Asym: I suggest you hire an Australian for your next barbecue.
Mermaid: Thank you, dear Mermaid. I don't want to imagine you with a penis. An exotic creature like you is irresistible without one.
BPP: I've been places you wouldn't believe existed.
Emma: Very true. If you're human, your soul mate is someone you can live happily with under the same roof.
Miss Cheese: Hello, Miss Cheese! Love is hard work for humans. Perhaps it cannot be otherwise.
As you know GB, I lived with my ex-girlfriend for a few months after we split up and everything was peachy. No severed penis, no burnt members. She did throw objects at my head from time to time though.
Pi: I think Mrs Bobbit only cut off an inch or two.
Ari: I'm very glad you can laugh without approving - that's the hallmark of a civilised person.
Fatman: You and Kitty were exemplars of the "no worries" Aussie attitude. You were even willing to pimp for each other! This could be a great idea for a sitcom. Why don't you write a pilot? It's about time someone knocked Kath and Kim off their perches.
It's in our state constitution right in-between "Stealing Elections" and "Inter-Species Domestic Unions."
I also believe it to be the name of a sheriff in my town.
Stevie: Welcome Stevie, send my regards to Olivia. I'm surprised it's legal in Florida, because Florida is the nearest thing America has to a cock. I'm glad you're enjoying the blog.
Beast: Right now, I'd guess it smells like Peter Stringfellow.
That's our state motto.
It went over well with the rednecks for some strange reason.
(off to read new post...)