Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Political favours

I’m trying to get in touch will Paola Saulino, an Italian actress currently traversing her country on a prize-giving tour. Ms Saulino (pictured above), promised to perform oral sex on any man who voted “no” in a recent national referendum. This is what she wrote on her Facebook page:

“I will practice oral sex with due and careful craftsmanship, thus fulfilling my duty, without losing even a drop of your essence, strictly looking at you in the eye. All this to those who will vote no in the referendum.”

The referendum was held to approve reforms the Italian prime minister said were essential, which convinced most voters they were as essential as tits on a bull. When the no-vote prevailed, Ms Saulino felt obliged to honour her promise to millions of Italian men who defiantly rejected the demands of their government in the hope of getting a blowjob. She is giving updates on her progress as she travels from city to city:

“First step of pompatour is gone, “ she wrote after leaving Rome. “A little bit tired but everything is ok.”

Who can blame her? Although only 51 men claimed their reward in Rome, that’s more pro-bono work than most lawyers do in a year. I hope she’s getting advice from a competent throat specialist on the best kind of mouthwash to use.

Maybe she’ll recoup her expenses by writing a book about the pompatour when it’s over. It isn’t everyday that a woman tastes the semen of so many different men. There could be interesting regional differences between the southern coastal cities and the industrial centres of Milan and Turin. We might finally get some hard data on how garlic and olive oil affect the virile juices.

She should also acquire a broad knowledge of the ejaculatory exclamations uttered by her countrymen. I’ve often wondered whether Kevin Kline’s cross-eyed groan in A Fish Called Wanda was based on anything real. The character he played, Otto, was an American of Italian ancestry, so the nature-versus-nurture debate may be relevant. He also worked for the CIA. Who knows how that would affect a man’s climax?

So you must be wondering why I want to communicate with Ms Saulino at this delicate stage of her mission. It’s because the manager of the safari camp, contemptible villain that he is, has whispered his intention to visit Italy for the ignoble purpose you can guess. He’s been practising his Italian using an on-line tutorial so he can pass himself off as a naturalised citizen. Paola would be a fool to fall for such a trick, but he might get lucky, and that offends my sense of fair play. I want to give her a warning so she can send the manager packing with his bodily fluids un-siphoned.

My legal sources tell me that “soliciting oral sex through deception” is not actually a criminal offence in any known jurisdiction. Pretty incredible, don’t you think? I guess too many powerful men benefit from this legal loophole. 

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Well, HELLS AND BELLS!!!! Is that all it would have taken to sway America to not vote Trump in?!?!?!?!?! Hell I should have made that same offer!!!!
She totally ripped off Madonna, who made the exact same promise if I voted for Hillary, which I did. So where's my pompatour? I don't recall a 'Hillary must win' caveat in order to collect. I'm still waiting. Is that second pic Ms. Saulino as well?
What's wrong with girls these days? If you're gonna do that you want at least a pure carat diamond; especially if you're gonna swallow.
Does that constitute an election bribe?
make italy great again!!
I spent the weekend with an Italian woman back in the day. She drove an Alfa Romeo convertible and I nearly emigrated after that. Especially after her boyfriend found out.
Mistress Maddie: I'm guessing most of your takers would have voted for Hillary anyway, Mistress. But what the hell, maybe you could have swung a few in Florida.

Exile: The second picture is indeed Ms Saulino, and what you're looking for is a "pompa". You might find that useful if you ever visit Italy.

Jules: I think you might have priced yourself out of the market, Jules, but I hope you get the diamond anyway. ;)

Pop Tart: You'd have to ask a lawyer, Ms Pop Tart, but it doesn't seem to be illegal in Italy. Things may be different in Louisiana.

Rosewater: Yes, this may have been how Julius Caesar got voted dictator perpetuo.

Jono: That must have been a memorable experience. Did she take you for a spin?

I knew politics was dirty but I didn't know it was THAT dirty!
She doesn't seem to realize that Madonna's similar offer is what lost HRC the election.
Why any woman would put that kind of thing out there just blows my mind.
Absolutely mind blowing that anyone would make such a promise!
Jimmy: And she's not even a career politician, Jimmy!

Robyn: You mean the prospect of a blowjob from Madonna scared many voters, Robyn? Yes, I can believe that!

Mary: It got her a lot of publicity, Mary. Maybe it'll help her career. :)

Shoshanah: Pun intended, I assume!

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