Wednesday, September 28, 2005
The Earth needs Mr Spock
Our human neighbours like to watch popular shows on video and often invite me to join them. One of their favourites is Star Trek, especially the version with Captain Picard, which they assure me is the finest series of the franchise.Personally, I don’t see why. When I first saw Picard I was struck by the uncanny resemblance his head bore to an ostrich egg, and from that point onward found it difficult to take him seriously. He also has a number of pompous little catch phrases which he seems to think are exquisitely profound. “Make it so!” says Picard, and everyone springs into action as if he has uttered the most inspiring command. Were I a member of the crew (unlikely, I’ll admit), I would instantly reply: “Yo, ho, ho!” or perhaps “Tickle my toe!”, but such obvious ripostes never occur to any of his colleagues.
I much prefer the series with Mr Spock, whom at first I incorrectly thought was a Chinese man whose ears had been given a good pulling when he was boy at school. On learning he was an alien among humans I instantly empathized with him. There is no doubt that Spock gives a fine example of mental discipline and regard for other life-forms to Kirk, Bones, Scotty and all the other excitable Earthmen who make up the crew of the Enterprise. Spock’s ability to render anyone unconscious with a pinch to the base of the neck is a skill that would serve him well in the jungle. There is no shortage of good candidates for a firm neck-pinch in my neighbourhood, but I regret that I have failed to master the technique after trying it out on several cheeky young apes. I suppose I’ll just have to carry on using the good old head-punch until someone can unlock the secret of our nimble-fingered Vulcan friend.
On balance, I feel that Star Trek has done a lot of good by depicting a future in which humans have risen above meanness and self-admiration to find a place as equals among other life-forms. I wish some of these aliens would get into their spaceships and pay us a visit quite soon. A lot of your current squabbles might look very petty indeed if a few pointy-eared characters came along and told you that you were nothing special in the galaxy, that countless other civilizations had faced the same stresses and strains, and that there was no point looking to heaven for salvation because no one outside the solar system really gives a shit about Planet Earth. As Confucius said: “Man with small dick learn to be good at foreplay”.
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Ah, the good old head punch; original and best. I like the last series with Topol best. mmmm Topol aarhhh.
# posted by 
: Wednesday, September 28, 2005
: Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I reckon the Star Trek Voyager series is the pits. Captain trying to look like Katherine Hepburn in the African Queen. Plus all they ever worry about is the people on board the ship, never about other possible life forms or even Earth. Shite of the first order. Doubtless they'd blast a gorilla at the slightest opportunity.
# posted by : Wednesday, September 28, 2005
: Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I'm with GB here. My favourite episode of the original series was the one to prove that Spock wasn't gay. He and a gorgeous woman go back in time to an era when Vulcans knew nothing of logic and were in fact horny cavemen. Spock is about to sweep her off her feet when Kirk and Co transport them back to the 23rd century and he reverts to type. Typical.
In the 'Next Generation' series the episode to prove Data is not gay comes pathetically early, before we had even started to wonder about him. Apparently he rogered the delicious Lt Yar when she was under the influence of some love virus.
As for 'Voyager', I don't know how anyone can even mention that shit. I switched off as soon as that ugly troll started wooing the cute little blondie.
BTW thanks for the picture of LT Uhura, GB, which wasn't the least bit gratuitous (in spite of what the Mynah Bird might say).
In the 'Next Generation' series the episode to prove Data is not gay comes pathetically early, before we had even started to wonder about him. Apparently he rogered the delicious Lt Yar when she was under the influence of some love virus.
As for 'Voyager', I don't know how anyone can even mention that shit. I switched off as soon as that ugly troll started wooing the cute little blondie.
BTW thanks for the picture of LT Uhura, GB, which wasn't the least bit gratuitous (in spite of what the Mynah Bird might say).
Tarzan, you incomparable ass, why would anyone need to prove an android isn't gay? It's all in his programming isn't it? I don't imagine he'd worry too much if anyone shouted 'poof' at him anyway.
As for Spock, I seem to recall that Vulcan males have something like a bull elephant's 'musth' period when the urge to mate makes them aggressive. Spock was definitely due for his in one episode, but somehow resolved the problem without either mating or punching McCoy's lights out.
Oh, and I've got nothing against the odd picture or two, as long as they're tasteful.
As for Spock, I seem to recall that Vulcan males have something like a bull elephant's 'musth' period when the urge to mate makes them aggressive. Spock was definitely due for his in one episode, but somehow resolved the problem without either mating or punching McCoy's lights out.
Oh, and I've got nothing against the odd picture or two, as long as they're tasteful.
Yes, I'm sure that Spock would have no qualms about coupling with a female at the right time and place. Being a vegetarian doesn't mean you've got no balls. It makes sense for a male to focus his sexual energy and deploy it when it really counts rather than continually milking himself like a goat.
A future with miniskirts is a good future indeed. Anyone who would deny this is either a liar or is stupid.
LIAR OR STUPID, I SAY!
gorilla:
In human medicine it has been discovered that frequent ejaculation, regardless if through intercourse or masturbation, contributes to a healthier prostate and reduces the likelihood of prostate cancer late in life.
LIAR OR STUPID, I SAY!
gorilla:
In human medicine it has been discovered that frequent ejaculation, regardless if through intercourse or masturbation, contributes to a healthier prostate and reduces the likelihood of prostate cancer late in life.
Still trying to psyche us out with your picture SafeT? This one looks like a tail segment from a giant Tiger.
As far the prostate is concerned, try crushed locust eggs. If it works for us hairy apes it'll probably do for you and your kind.
As far the prostate is concerned, try crushed locust eggs. If it works for us hairy apes it'll probably do for you and your kind.
I've been married for five years, and dated my wife for five years before that.
So...
of COURSE I'm a wanker. It's either that or go on a killing spree with a fully loaded erection.
So...
of COURSE I'm a wanker. It's either that or go on a killing spree with a fully loaded erection.
Ape: 'tis a road construction cone. The official tree of Southeast Michigan.
But I like to pretend that they are Daleks.
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But I like to pretend that they are Daleks.
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